


Not Gonna Break Your Heart (But No Promises About Your Desk)

by Tricochet



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F, Requested, Sex Jokes, The Legends Are Immature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 09:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13338672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tricochet/pseuds/Tricochet
Summary: Ava is not excited to walk through the Bureau with Sara and the Legends, especially not when they're making sex jokes.





	Not Gonna Break Your Heart (But No Promises About Your Desk)

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous requested: Prompt- Avalance + being around other time bureau agents and Sara/the legends in general just running off at the mouth with SO many inappropriate statements and Ava trying desperately to salvage the situation and avoid another Mandatory Sexual Harassment Seminar. Extra points is Sara flustered her enough to say something inappropriate back. Thank you!

“Sara,” Ava says with her best coworker voice. “How may I assist you today?”

Sara sits right on Ava’s desk and leans back. “Just wanted to stop by.”

“Okay,” Ava says slowly, hoping that the support she was using to keep her desk from collapsing would hold. “Uh, anything else?”

“No, but do you remember last time?” Sara says, stretching her arm over Ava’s shoulder.

“Agent Sharpe!” Ava can hear Gary coming from down the hall. She tries to push Sara off her desk. Sara holds her ground. 

“Oh, uh, hi, Miss Lance,” Gary says, looking surprised. 

“Did you need something, Gary?” Ava says. 

“I think you need something yourself,” Sara says in Ava’s ear. Ava ignores her.

“Uh, yes. So, you know how I have that parking spot? The one I paid for?”

“Yes?” Ava says.

“Well, somebody else parked in it,” he says.

“Have you tried asking them about it?”

“Well, I don’t know who did it!” he complains.

“Fine. I will look it up,” Ava says. She reaches for the file, but Sara’s legs are right in front of it.

“Would you mind getting out of the way?” Ava snaps. She waits for Sara to swing her legs out of the way, but she doesn’t. She just spreads her knees a few inches so Ava has to reach between them to unlock the cabinet. She doesn’t know what the captain is trying to do to her, but she’s not going to let it work. She opens the cabinet, letting it hit Sara, and produces the file.

“Did you get the plate?” she asks Gary as she sits back down.

“The, uh, license plate?”

“Yes,” Ava says, distracted by Sara’s foot, which she has now placed on Ava’s lap. 

“Oh. I didn’t,” Gary says, and Ava tries not to sigh too loudly. 

“Well, please go do that.”

He walks away. Ava turns to glare at Sara. 

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“The real question is what are my friends doing,” Sara says.

“You didn’t order them to break into the Bureau, did you?” Ava says.

“I didn’t order them to do anything. You, however,” Sara says. She’s still smirking as Ava takes off. She follows Ava until they run into Mick, Nate, and Ray.

“Hotcakes. Fancy seeing you here,” Mick says. Ray avoids all eye contact like he knows Ava’s onto him. Nate just looks excited.

“I work here,” Ava says. “What’s behind your back?”

Mick grins and shows her a bag. 

“Is that the… goddamit, that’s a historical artifact!” Ava says.

“Exactly! I’m a historian!” Nate says.

“Put it back!” Ava yells.

Amaya and Zari pop out from behind a corner. Ava notices Leo too, sitting on a table.

“Goddamit,” she says again. “It has been less than a week since last time you messed something up.”

“Do you have a timer?” Sara asks. 

“I don’t need one,” Ava says. “I need to get back to my desk before Gary finds me gone and loses all purpose in life.”

“It’s nice to know we’re not the least competent ones around,” Sara says. 

“Anyway, I can’t leave you alone in here, so it would be a lot easier for all of us if you left,” Ava growls.

“Yeah, I wish they would go, and we could be all alone,” Sara whispers in Ava’s ear. Ava turns around and glares at her.

“We are going back to my desk, or you are leaving. As long as you stay in the building, you can look at the artifact. You can even take pictures of it. I do not care,” Ava announces to the Legends.

Sara smiles like she just won a million-dollar game of chess.

“Alright. We will do it in your office,” she says. Ava frowns at the suggestiveness.

“Agent Sharpe!” one of Ava’s coworkers says.

“Agent Schott,” Ava says. 

“Why are the Legends here?” he asks, staring like the Legends were a terrifying urban tale.

“They are looking at an artifact. Aren’t you?” Ava prompts them.

“Yeah, and it looks like a penis,” Nate says.

Ava turns around and glares.

“Yeah, they’re trying to use it for historical research.”

“We have a very hands-on approach,” Nate says, winking. He tries to put the artifact down his throat. Ava snatches it away from him and wipes it off.

The other agent is staring at them. “That’s the valuable one from Ancient Egypt, right?”

“I don’t think so,” Ava lies.

“Oh. Okay. Uh, I think Gary was looking for you,” the man says, and runs away.

Ava turns to glare at Nate. He doesn’t seem to care. Ava has never been more glad that her office is only a few yards away.

“I don’t know,” Ray is saying loudly. “Seems a little pointy to be a - you know.”

“How would you know?” Nate jokes.

“Well, I’ve sat down on thumbtacks before.”

“This is not a thumbtack, it’s a -”

“Would you mind keeping it down?” Ava hisses. 

“Whatever you say, Hotcakes,” Mick says. 

Gary runs up to her.

“Agent, oh, thank goodness! I thought you’d been taken!”

“I was gone for five minutes, Gary,” Ava says. 

“I found the license plate,” Gary says, holding something out to her.

Ava takes it, setting the artifact on a nearby table.

“Goddamit,” she says for the third time that hour. “I meant record the license plate number, not cut it off and bring me the whole goddamn thing.”

“Oh,” he says. “Well, they won’t be parking in my spot again.”

Ava shuts her eyes for a moment to process. “You know what, this is not my problem. Just fill out the damage report form yourself.”

“Does the Bureau have any nice liquor stashed somewhere?” Mick asks. 

“No,” Ava says, silently wishing that they did so she could forget the whole day.

“Damn,” he says.

“Why are the Legends here?” Gary asks.

“They’re working on a history thing,” Ava says. 

“Gary, I need your opinion,” Nate says. Ava makes a motion across her throat to try to get him to shut up, but he ignores it.

“Does this artifact look like a sex toy?” he asks Gary.

Gary’s eyes widen and he runs away.

“Stop scaring my employees,” Ava scolds them. 

“We’re researching history!” Zari says. “Can you think of anything else the artifact could have been used for?”

“I’m sure it could kill someone if I hit them hard enough,” Ava mutters.

“Aww, but you love us,” Amaya says. Ava glares harder.

“I can’t stand any of you.”

“Aw,” Nate says, pretending to be sad. Ava wants to slap him. 

“Sharpe,” another agent says. “Got a minute?”

“Yeah, sure,” Ava says. “What is it?”

“A low-level anachronism. Do you want to deal with it, or should I send someone else?”

“Yeah, have Agent Olsen or someone handle it,” Ava says, not wanting to leave the Legends alone. 

Ava hears a loud clatter and turns to see Ray lying under her desk. It’s broken almost in half.

“What the hell happened to this desk?” Ray asks. He’s so loud Ava thinks he must be projecting extra for her benefit.

Leo whispers something in his ear. 

“How could Sara break the desk just by screwing Ava?” Ray asks, still loudly enough that the whole floor can hear.

Ava turns red and looks down. Sara is smirking from across the room.

“Twaynd,” Ava says quietly.

“What was that?” Leo says. Ava gets a feeling that he knows exactly what she had said.

“It was the other way around,” Ava says loudly, shutting her eyes so she doesn’t have to look anyone in the eyes. 

She opens her eyes what feels like ten minutes later. Ray and Nate are both gaping. Amaya and Zari look a little embarrassed to hear details. Mick doesn’t seem to care. Leo is smirking. Sara looks delighted. 

The other agents are all staring. Gary is watching from the other room like he’s thinking about how close he had stood next to the desk. 

“So, I’m going to get you a new desk,” Sara says to break the silence. 

Ava shuts her eyes again.

**Author's Note:**

> When I was writing this, I imagined that Nate didn't actually want to study the artifact, but Sara needed a reason to break into the Bureau.


End file.
